Yesterday, I binged... and I put on 3lbs... I panicked but mom said dinner was ready, she made me eat all of it, I felt worse than I've ever felt before... I considered suicide. I actually did, I thought if I went to see Steve, he would make me feel better. I feel bad leaving everything on him but if I tell any of my other friends, it could put presure on them, besides I'm the one people come to for advice, if someone came to me, who was exactly like me, I would know exactly what steps to take, how to listen, because it's how I want to be listened to. Dad said I couldn't go out. Panic, Panic. I ran into the study, looking. Wasn't there. Grabbed a compass and ran upstairs. I had to cut in the same place several times to draw blood, but I did, six marks, 1 for each half a lb I put on.
It is my new punishment, and now I'm looking at Steves sign, he gave to me to wear and it's covering up the marks, that now are real, but they weren't yesterday, and I'm not afraid, and I'm not upset, it's just real.
charisma_x
thinspo icons, sorry this entry was so depressing, if i've lost weight i'll cheer up :T
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